Inclusive Parenting: A Journey of Reflection and Growth
Parenting is a dynamic journey that includes several innocent questions, snoopiness, and excitement. And recently, on a soothing rainy Sunday, I came across one of these situations. I was watching a movie on an OTT platform while my 5-year-old daughter was happily busy with her playdough, generally with her around, I do not watch any grown-up stuff as these days a lot of the content at times is not relevant for kids, but this movie had a song, a dance which my daughter enjoys. So, as I was engrossed in the performance where two amazing male dancers were wearing red kathak dresses and performing beautifully in the song, suddenly my kid asked an unexpected question.
She asked me, “Mummy can a boy dance, why are they wearing dresses like you?” I then explained to her that dancing is not at all gender biased thing, it is an art form, and anyone can dance and wear whatever they want.
Although I answered her and then she again continued with her playdough, her question stayed with me and made me wonder from where did she picked such gender biased impression.
Another incident happened on my husband's birthday. We performed a pooja and celebrated with much enthusiasm. However, for some reason, there wasn’t any celebration on my birthday, so my daughter asked, “Mamma, why didn’t we do pooja and celebrate your birthday?”
Her innocent queries made me ponder deeply. As parents, we may not realize our actions have more effect on kids than our words.
We never realize that the things we are saying can have a big effect on our kids’ minds. While having a conversation we are the ones who keep on body shaming people or judge them on their skin color, even pass stereotypical comments like “Ohh she is so thin, is she not eating, etc. And we hear these from our kids either we scold them or ignore them. These were the times when I realized that it was high time that I should adopt “Inclusive Parenting”.
In this journey of motherhood or parenting, we need to be extra conscious because a) we need to give the right values and understandings to our kids, b) fast-paced and challenging times are way ahead for kids, and c) is exposure due to social media and internet reach.
What is Inclusive Parenting?
Inclusive parenting is about creating an open, supportive surrounding that celebrates diversity, equity, and respect. It can make our children more empathetic and understanding and help them create a more accepting and caring generation. Free from stereotypical and narrow-minded thoughts.
While reading about the concept it does sound beautiful and interesting, but it can feel complicated to implement. To simplify, I think inclusive parenting is like “Color shade card” or “Spectrum of colors" where you decide what suits your requirements.
What color to pick: Decide the lesson or topic you want to talk about or teach your kid because like colours mixing too many can create a mess hence let us be very clear about what to choose
What shade to use: with what intensity you want to communicate with your child based on age, and topic (All topics need not be taught at a particular time to kids)
What brand to choose: How do you want to define your parenting style – take inspiraton from your parent's style, any neighbour's, or reading through online forums.
As we know parenting doesn’t come with a rulebook. It’s a dynamic process of unlearning, learning, and relearning—adapting to your family’s needs and circumstances. Feel free to take advice and inspiration from all styles as per the circumstances.
Practical Tips for Inclusive Parenting
Here are a few strategies I’ve practiced with my 5-year-old daughter that have helped foster inclusivity in our home:
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Listen and Respect Choices
Listen and respect children's choices (with a disclaimer of course) – Listen to their choices whether it's about lunch boxes, their preferences in birthday dresses, or anything related to their hobbies. And if they don’t like or feel like doing anything, despite scolding ask them politely the reason. Once my kid refused to go to her Music Class, when I asked her the reason she said "I cannot explain Mamma but I don't feel comfortable” While asking more she confronted me that she was willing to learn it from different madam and today she is very happily learning music in a different class. Could be a small example but if we can continue to listen and respect children's choices with the right reasoning that would help both kids and parents to effectively communicate.
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Appreciate Qualities Beyond Appearance
In spite of complimenting our kids with, “You are looking beautiful/handsome” or “This dress looks good on you”, we could have said I like how confidently you are wearing this dress, I liked the choice of your dress. I liked how you helped your friend, you are so kind. These appreciations can teach our children that qualities are more important than appearances. This will make them habituated to these qualities.
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Be Neutral and Open
Once my daughter refused to wear blue pants as she thought it’s a colour for boys only. So, after that, I started wearing different colors for the next three months and explained to her that colors are not bound to gender and one can wear whatever color they want. Slowly, her preferences expanded, and she explored more colors.
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Encourage Emotional Expression
We as parents focus more on academics and pay less attention to our kids’ communication skills. In spite of solely focusing on education, we must teach our child to express his/her feelings freely.
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Prepare Them for a Dynamic World
In this fast-changing world, inclusive parenting gears up children with skills to blossom. It teaches them to respect diversity, embrace different choices, and have a positive approach to handling challenges.
Conclusion: Celebrate the Uniqueness
As I mentioned earlier, and we all know parenting is not something we can learn with a rule book, it includes a lot of learning, advice, and sometimes mistakes. But there is one thing we must remember every individual is different and has distinguished talents and qualities. Rather than comparing them, we must celebrate and encourage them for what they are best at. This blog is my writing solely to reflect my personal opinions and experiences. I hope it resonates with my fellow parents on this beautiful parenthood journey.
Contributed By - Priyanka Thapliyal, Writer and podcaster blending creativity and storytelling
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